Thursday, November 8, 2007
i talked about you again just 2 days ago and i m so convinced once again you are the curse of my life.
The ability to relieve past emotional states is both an aptitude and a curse. It's a curse because it doesn't allow you to get on with your life. Every cut, every bruise, every rejection yields a harvest which is then stored. The pain is kept on ice and can be relied upon to taste as fresh as the day it was first inflicted.The Seven Types of Ambiguitytalking about regrets, how many times have i gone thru those late night wailing, ranting how unfair is this world, threatening to end my life just like that. countless. maybe one day i can just feel numb about everything, shake off all consequences i have to bear, wouldnt life be much easier.
there's a sudden surge of fears spiralling thru my body now. fear of being neglected. fear of not being loved.fear of not performing up to expectation. fear of being left behind. fear of tears. fear of dark clouds. fear of......
this is one of those nights, i m afraid of being alone. captured by those fears, succumbed and helpless. if one day i can change my mentality to those of a 5yrsold child, wouldnt life be much happier.
my dream is to marry a guy who promised to love me forever wholeheartedly. i dream to build up a loving family with children who are always happy. i dream to just have to the money to buy anything i want, not necessarily be rich. i dream of my love bringing me to the most romantic dinner on valentine's day. at least for now, i still have this child-like faith that they will all come true.just that sometimes i really wonder, how long can this faith lasts,
just listened to the version of bei pan enacted by xiao jing teng. when i first listened to the song enacted by gary, frankly speaking i didnt feel that much pain, until i saw xiao jing teng sang it. the pain is like a vice gripping on so hardly inside him. the pain of the betrayed love. the pain to let go of one's love. it is written all over his face when he sang it. he's really good.
but for now, i just feel like turning back to my bossa nova who will never fail to cheer up my sunken heart. the lovely rhythm skipped out of a saxophone can always capture my heart so much. saxophone is love(:
and not forgetting, my pillar of support, my saviour, my God(:
i m not feeling that emo. cause after 1 hr i might just recover.
there are just days that are brighter than sunshine and some other days that are gloomier than the dark clouds. this is just one of those days. dont you feel the same way too sometimes?
"life's too short to be randomly emo"-- quoted from jiaqian
love, tan ah-ti.
6:40 AM
